I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I pour the whiskey from now on
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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