Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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