JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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