Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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