New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
