I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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