Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
