and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
