the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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