Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
