There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
