I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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