We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
