The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
