Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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