did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
