I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
