You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize