She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We got so high we made milksteak
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
