thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Randomize
