I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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