Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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