New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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