Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
