having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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