going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
