The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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