I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Randomize
