i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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