the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
