I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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