What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
