I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
