I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
