let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
