He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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