she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
