I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
