Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Panties = found
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
