There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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