I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
