if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
