p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize