Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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