New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
