she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
