My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
