So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think people are normalizing furries
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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