yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
