I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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