No awkward lesbian experiences without me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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