idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
