I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
