"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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