if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
