The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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