Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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