I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
