I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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