I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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