I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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