So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
