so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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