did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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