where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize