You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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