Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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